Happy October, Everyone!

I’ve recently learned that Sandy Eggo is different from the rest of the country at this time of year. Everywhere else, it’s starting to cool off and fall.

(Oops, I’m being told the previous sentence should say “cool off for fall,” but that doesn’t make any sense. Whatevs!)

Instead, in the immortal words of Legs1, “October is when we sweat like pigs and burst into flames.”

HUH? That doesn’t sound fun at all.

Still, it has been very hot here recently. Here I am, soakin’ up some killer rays, Dude:

 

 

Don’t worry, I’m not dead! I was just chillaxin’ for a moment, and then Legs1 and Legs2 made me come inside. (Let me take this moment for a public service announcement: heatstroke in animals is no joke!)

I asked Legs1, “How hot IS it?”

Legs1: It’s hot. TOO hot.

Jax: No, really.

Legs1: It’s 98.

Jax: 98 what?

Legs1: 98 fair-an-hots.

 

I have to admit, I’m not sure what a fair-an-hot is, but 98 does sound like a lot of them. I think they should be spread out over several days. At this rate, we’re in danger of using them all up.

The rest of the family has also been affected by the surplus of fair-an-hots.

Here is Legs2. I thought he was prostated, but he said no, that’s for when he’s older. Currently, he’s prostrated by the heat. I did some research and I think he means he’s supined.

 

 

Meanwhile, Legs1 has been whining and gnashing her teeth like nobody’s business. Frankly, she’s beyond annoying (and so very very pink—yeesh!).

 

 

My Little Pony has lost her get up and go.

 

 

Ugly Dog is downright nasty.

 

 

I think the only one who has the right idea is Cage.

 

 

Hope you’re staying cool, Vast Readership. Maybe you live in one of those places that’s falling right now. If so, lucky you!

 

Every morning, I wait at the bottom of the stairs in great anticipation.

The burning question is always: WHAT WILL LEGS1 HAVE ON HER FEET TODAY?

If she’s wearing no shoes at all, it means we’re staying put for the foreseeable future:

 

 

I sigh heavily and head back to my pillow for a nap.

Similarly, if she’s wearing these doohickeys, we ain’t going nowhere, no how:

 

 

I sigh heavily and head back to my pillow for a nap.

Now, these are true puzzlers. They almost always mean that Legs1 is leaving the house. But am I going with her? I usually can’t tell until the last minute:

 

 

I’d say with these, there’s a 60-70% chance that I sigh heavily and head back to my pillow for a nap.

Now these are my FAVORITES, despite their less-than-attractive appearance. When Legs1 has these on, she means business. She’s going outside and there is a very high chance that I am not only going with her, we are going for walkies:

 

 

I do NOT sigh heavily and head back to my pillow for a nap. Instead, I do the Sneakertown Shuffle. Here you see me taking the first few steps of that highly choreographed dance:

 

 

As you can see, my life is full of stress and drama. But the moments of joy and pageantry more than make up for it.

 

I recently discovered that it rains in Sandy Eggo! I wasn’t even sure what rain was, but I was a good boy (Good boy, Jax—ahhh) and went out to the lawn to do my numbers* anyway. Next thing I know, gargantuan drops of water were pelting down on me, trying to crush my skull, drown my feet, and soak my tummy. So I did the obvious thing: I walked on my tippy toes, to minimize the wetness damage to moi.

But then I overheard this conversation between Legs1 and Legs2:

Legs1: He walks like a bowlegged sailor.

Legs2: That’s redundant. But I can’t disagree.

And they slapped this ridiculous outfit on me. It keeps my upper body dry, but I find I am still forced to walk en pointe. Maybe I need rain booties, too.

 

 

Meanwhile, you may think I have forgotten about Ugly Dog’s hack of my blog, but never fear: I am on it! I will have an announcement soon that will amaze you with its cleverness and maturity.

 

* A big shout out to the famous detective, Randolph the Labrador Retriever, for this diplomatic turn of phrase. For more, read his three-part biography, which starts with A Dog About Town, by J.F. Englert.

 

It’s about time I told you about the other critters I live with.

I believe I mentioned that I live with two humans, Legs1 and Legs2. Here is a shot of moi with Legs1, in which you get to see a hint of why this blog is called Jax-Attax. See how vicious and mean I am?

 

 

And here is a picture of Legs2, looking all stalwart and manly:

 

 

Next is someone I like to call Cage. Cage is a mystery to me: silent one moment, shrieking and carrying on the next. Legs1 and Legs2 fuss with him or her on a regular basis, so I guess it’s a family member.

 

 

And you’ve met My Little Pony once before. Here’s my usual view of her:

 

 

Finally, there’s this odd varmint. I call her Ugly Dog; I’m sure you can see why. I like to chase her up the stairs and then she throws swear words at me from this tower. Good times, good times.

 

 

It’s like a zoo around here! Luckily they’ve got me to run the place, or we’d all be in trouble.

 

My name is Jax. I may be small, but I am mighty!

I am a Chihuahua/Pug mix, with some Min-Pin possibilities. I am approximately two years old, and I weigh 9.95 pounds. And you better not forget that .95!

About a month ago, I was adopted by two humans (Legs1 and Legs2) in Sandy Eggo, from a rescue group based in Poway, who sprung me from a kill shelter in San Bernardino County. I prefer not to remember my time spent in the hoosegow.

I will be using this space to blog about my adventures in the Big World. Until my next post, look upon my visage and fear me, for thou art doomed! (Just ask Legs1, pictured below, with moi.)