We Had An Enn Dee Eee

May 21st, 2013

From time to time, My Little Pony has mentioned that she misses Ghost Brother and would like to go see him.

I’ve encouraged her not to, as I’ve noticed that such visits seem to be a one-way trip.

But last week, My Little Pony had a bad case of Knee Mia (probably why she’s always limping), and Legs1 and Legs2 called it an Enn Dee Eee. I found out later they meant a Near Death Experience.

Here she is resting after her big ordeal. You can see that she was shaved in many different places, for various scans and measurements and treatments. (They better not come near me with that razor or I’ll scream bloody murder!)

 

I Don't Feel So Good, But I'm Better. (Yes, I'm Wearing Handles--Don't You?)

I Don’t Feel So Good, But I’m Better. (Yes, I’m Wearing Handles–Don’t You?)

 

My Little Pony says she is old and tired, but I am glad she is still with us.

Still, the day may yet come when she crosses the Rainbow Bridge (a corny but nice concept), so I have started taking howling lessons from this fine fellow:

 

Professional Howler On A Closed Course. Do Not Attempt.

Professional Howler On A Closed Course. Do Not Attempt.

 

I kinda hope I don’t get too good at howling. And so do Legs1 and Legs2.

Oh, by the way: My Little Pony thanks everyone for their get well wishes!

 

Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up

May 6th, 2013

You may recall that it rained here in Sandy Eggo last year.

Well, it is happening again today, and so I have been dressed in yellow once more.

 

Feeling Philosophical In The Drippy Weather

Feeling Philosophical In The Drippy Weather

 

Apparently, this rain thing is going to be a regular occurrence.

Even My Little Pony is bothered by this odd weather. Here she is pictured charging the screen door to get away from the torrents of water. Sigh; guess I’m gonna have to open it for her again.

 

Hey, What's Over There? More Rain!

Hey, What’s Over There? More Rain!

 

A little dog’s jobs are never done!

And I gotta find out if raincoats come in other colors, because yellow is just not doing it for me.

 

A Shoutout To The Grandmama

April 16th, 2013

You may recall that several months ago we celebrated various Holler Days.

One of them was called Kris Mess, and for that, Grandmama Legs gave all of us bloggers a Gift Card! I didn’t even know what a Gift Card was until Legs1 and Legs2 took me shopping at a paradise named PetSmart.

Just LOOK at all the goodies we came home with!

 

These Gift Items Pass The Most Rigorous Test Of All--The Sniff Test, By Moi!

These Gift Items Pass The Most Rigorous Test Of All–The Sniff Test, By Moi!

 

 

Here is a portrait of my lovely and generous Grandmama Legs:

 

Grandmama Legs And Her Kickin' Shoes

Grandmama Legs And Her Kickin’ Shoes

 

(You can see that I inherited my coloring from her.)

Thanks, Grandmama, for the fantastic gifts!

Love,

Jax, Ugly Dog, My Little Pony, Cage, and AGM

 

Key Members of My Vast Readership

March 16th, 2013

We get plenty of questions here at Jax-Attax. Some of them we can’t answer (“How high is up?” “Who does your taxes?”), but others are easier:

Dear Jax-Attax,

You keep mentioning your “vast readership,” but I think I may be the only one reading your blog. Please elaborate.

Signed,

Sweetums McBarky of En Why, En Why

 

Thanks for the great question, Sweetums. While I appreciate your patronage, you are NOT my only reader. Why, I have four or five others!

Here are some examples for your bemusement.

 

A recent member to our Vast Readership is Stitch, from LommySa (Legs1 says he looks like the Flying None in this picture, but I don’t know what that means):

 

I May Look Asleep, But I'm Listening To You!

I May Look Asleep, But I’m Listening To You!

 

And then there’s Emily from Sack Of Tomatoes (apparently she’s a Little Monster–fascinating):

 

Don't TELL Me I Have White Man's Overbite--I Can Shake This Thing!

Don’t TELL Me I Have White Man’s Overbite–I Can Shake This Thing!

 

And then there’s Banner (aka Robert Bruce Banner aka Bob aka THE HULK) in Sanma Teyo:

 

Hulk SMASH!

Hulk SMASH!

 

Here is are some Teddy Dogs from Will Men Tan. I believe that for them, reading my blog is a group effort:

 

Has Jax Posted Again Yet? I Don't Know I Can't See. Let Me Look! No, Let Me!

Has Jax Posted Again Yet? I Don’t Know I Can’t See. Let Me Look! No, Let Me!

 

And last but not least, we do have other ugly dogs in our audience. Here is Anonamouse from the interwebs:

 

I Want To See More Ugly Dog and AGM Pranks!

I Want To See More Ugly Dog and AGM Pranks!

 

So you see, Sweetums, my Vast Readership is indeed vast.

Thanks for the great question!

 

Guest Blogger: Ugly Dog

February 26th, 2013

I understand some of you need reassurance after the marvelous prank AGM and I pulled on Little Rat.

You needn’t worry; I am not yet worm food.

But I HAVE been rather exhausted.

Thank you for your concern, but as you can see here, it is (mostly) unwarranted:

 

I'll Remain Under Wraps For A While--You Go Ahead And Carry On

I’ll Remain Under Wraps For A While–You Go Ahead And Carry On

 

Until next time!

(By the way, has anyone seen AGM?!)

 

Happy Smooshy-Face Day (Ick)!

February 14th, 2013

Legs1 and Legs2 say it is NOT called Smooshy-Face Day, it is called Valentine’s Day.

If that’s true. then why do they keep making those faces? And Cage keeps making kissing noises; what’s up with that?

Besides, I can’t get a straight answer about what a “Valentine” is.

Oh, wait.

Legs1 just handed me something. It’s from Friend Cathe, who lives in Will Men Tan? Dell’s Aware! (Funny place to live, right?)

And it’s pretty wonderful.

See?

 

This Card Is Actually Addressed To All The Bloggers, But I'm Keeping It For ME, Because I Was Recently The Victim Of A Cruel Hoax. So There!

This Card Is Actually Addressed To All The Bloggers, But I’m Keeping It For ME, Because I Was Recently The Victim Of A Cruel Hoax. So There!

 

I guess we can call it Valentine’s Day, but just in case, I’m practicing my smooshy face.

Thank you for the card, Friend Cathe!

 

Cunning Plans

February 11th, 2013

I was strolling around the house the other day, when I came across this charming fellow. His name is AGM, and he has a Cunning Plan for pulling a prank on Ugly Dog.

 

FINALLY! I Was Allowed To Move, And Now I Share My Plans--Chortle!

FINALLY! I Was Allowed To Move, And Now I Share My Plans–Chortle!

 

In this plan, I am to chase Ugly Dog upstairs, where AGM will ambush her!

SUCH a great idea.

Wait—there she is now! All smirky and self-satisfied. But we have a Cunning Plan—BWA-HA-HA-HA!

 

Oh, Little Rat! Come Here, Sweet Puppy Dog! I've Got A Surprise For You...

Oh, Little Rat! Come Here, Sweet Puppy Dog! I’ve Got A Surprise For You…

 

Now I’ve got Ugly Dog nearly cornered upstairs.

But I wonder where AGM has disappeared to?

 

Come Closer, Little Rat. Closer, Closer...

Come Closer, Little Rat. Closer, Closer…

 

I round the corner, and…

UH-OH!!!! What happened? Did she drop dead of fright?

OH MY GOD. I am going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE when Legs1 and Legs2 get home!

 

Ha Ha! Who Played A Cunning Plan On Whom, Eh, Little Rat?

Ha Ha! Who Played A Cunning Plan On Whom, Eh, Little Rat?

 

And where IS AGM? After all, “good friends help you move, best friends help you move bodies”—and right now, I need a BFF.

If I don’t find him soon, my next post may be from the pokey!

 

Putting Away Kris Mess

January 13th, 2013

Today we’re doing something called “putting away Kris mess.”

The only person named Kris I could find was this jolly fellow:

 

Hey, Everyone Named Kris? Stop Making Messes!

Hey, Everyone Named Kris? Stop Making Messes!

 

He doesn’t look very messy to me, so I just kept him company for a while. We put a few away while we were at it:

 

Bartender, A Round For Me And My New Friend, Kris.

Bartender, A Round For Me And My New Friend, Kris.

 

I’ve been informed that this is the wrong kind of “putting it away.” Picky, picky! Ah well—a Jax’s job is never done.

Meanwhile, I keep hearing sounds from upstairs that I need to investigate.

 

wah wah wah...new ears...wah...new plans...wah...but no one cares...wah...i don't care...wah...i give up...

wah wah wah…new ears…wah…new plans…wah…but no one cares…wah…i don’t care…wah…i give up…

 

Hmm, talk about a mess!

 

Happy New Ear!

January 1st, 2013

Folks around here have been wishing each other Happy New Ears for the last day or so, but no one will explain why. I’m pretty happy with my OLD ears, so don’t see a need for an upgrade.

I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch. My editor was sick and most of my friends were busy with Holler Days. I hope to keep to a more regular blogging schedule now that everyone has their new ears (maybe that’s why they got them, right?).

I thought you’d enjoy a picture of moi stretching in the optimum manner to show off my stunning new bad boy outfit:

 

S-t-r-e-e-e-e-t-c-h!

S-t-r-e-e-e-e-t-c-h!

 

And, because you are the best Vast Readership ever, I will reward you with a bonus picture of my distinguished Other Side:

 

Distinguished Is As Distinguished Does.

Distinguished Is As Distinguished Does.

 

Meanwhile…

 

Aw, Come On Guys! Can't I Move YET? I Have New Ears and New Plans!

Aw, Come On Guys! Can’t I Move YET? I Have New Ears and New Plans!

 

All of us at Jax-Attax wish you and yours a happy and healthy 2013!

 

Guest Blogger: AGM

November 29th, 2012

Hellooo?

Anybody there? I thought someone would tell me when I could move again.

I have plans, people!

 

Anticipation... is keeping me waiting.

Anticipation… is keeping me waiting.

 

Hello? Anyone?

Well, just let me know. I’ll be here.

Thanks.