Waiting With A Friend

January 9th, 2014

Legs1 has dressed me and SSS in completely redonkulous outfits.

Exhibit A:

Waiting for Game Day

Waiting for Game Day

 

She claims the whole family is getting ready to watch the Forty Ninnies. Apparently they are going to be playing some sort of game involving feet, panthers, and balls. Or maybe she meant balls of feet; I dunno.

All I can say is: if there are panthers involved, I’m glad there are 40 of those ninnies! Otherwise they’d have no chance.

So here we sit, in our outfits, until Sunday. After that, who knows?

By the way, I know many of you have wondered about my long absence from this blog. I asked Ugly Dog what I should say about that, and she said to keep my trap shut.

I don’t have a trap, but I think I’ll keep my story short and sweet: I’ve been very busy with the holler days, and with yards and yards of scotch tape, fountains of glue, and skeins of ribbon bouncing down the stairs… well, anyway, the less said about it the better, and I think all the photographic evidence has been destroyed.

Wish us luck with the ninny game and a speedy recovery of our clothing choices!

 

Two Heads Are Better Than…?

October 6th, 2013

I came across this photo on my iPhone the other day. I’m a bit confused by it, but I have a theory.

And here it is: I think I’m so busy keeping track of The Stranger In Town, aka The New Guy, aka Skinny Skin Skin (SSS), that I’ve grown a second head.

 

What's He Doing Now? And Now? And NOW?

What’s He Doing Now? And Now? And NOW?

 

In a shadowy world, a world of sharp contrasts, one never knows what one is actually seeing. I’m sure SSS is up to no good, and soon I’ll catch him in the act.

What act, you ask?

That remains unclear, I answer, until I catch him in it.

So stay tuned.

 

She Went Gently Into That Good Night

September 17th, 2013

Things have been pretty subdued around Chez Legs lately. My Little Pony decided to leave us and join Ghost Brother at the Rainbow Bridge.

Because she was sick. And old. And her legs hurt and her tummy hurt and she couldn’t breathe very well. And she could barely stand up.

All I can say is: Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Here is the rest of my reaction:

 

The Resemblance To Me Is Uncanny

The Resemblance To Me Is Uncanny

 

As you can see, the howling lessons I took during our Enn Dee Eee have really paid off.

Even though I know I’ll see My Little Pony again, I miss her every day. In fact, at one meal, I ate only half the food offered—!

I will miss her tail:

 

Tailing Off

Tailing Off

 

I will miss her eyes:

 

My Eyes Are The Mirrors Of My Soul, Which Is Now Elsewhere

My Eyes Are The Mirrors Of My Soul, Which Is Now Elsewhere

 

And I will miss her doggy smile:

 

The Sunshine Of Your Smile

The Sunshine Of Your Smile

 

You be a good girl until I get there, My Little Pony (which won’t be for a long time, so don’t hold your breath or anything silly like that), and I will look after the Legs for you. As you know, they badly need all the help we can give them.

 

There’s a Stranger In Town

September 9th, 2013

About a week ago, a new dog moved in. I’m not sure I like the looks of him, although Legs1 and Legs2 say he resembles my Ghost Brother.

He’s named Harry, because he’s hairless. I’ve decided that I’m going to call him Skinny Skin Skin. Maybe I’ll call him SSS for short.

Or maybe I won’t.

Cage and My Little Pony are still reserving judgment about him. Actually, they’ve mostly been ignoring him.

Ugly Dog and AGM have been making “pew pew pew” noises as they shoot lasers from their eyes at him.

He looks dangerous to me. What do you think?

 

I'm A Little Bit Nekked, A Little Bit Hairy

I’m A Little Bit Nekked, A Little Bit Hairy

 

I’m going to keep an eye on him. Or maybe both eyes.

 

Guest Blogger: Cage

August 14th, 2013

Eddo Fingerlings all—!

It’s true that I haven’t blogged very often. Little Rat hogs the computer most of the time, with a few interruptions by Ugly Dog, and so I am content to follow my more intellectual pursuits.

Intellectual pursuits? you query.

Indeed, I reply.

After all, one of my constant companions is the newspaper. Yes, an honest-to-bird physical newspaper, made out of paper, and filled with many things, often including news. But I also enjoy the horoscopes (I’m a Gemini), the crossword puzzles, the movie reviews, the sport scores, and the ads—especially those for fast automobiles and the satisfaction-guaranteed cure for fungus toenails.

It is fortunate that my interests are so varied, because on any given day, Fingers1 is apt to put just about any section of the newspaper in my cage. Sadly, it is usually the local rag, something called U-T San Diego. I much prefer Sundays, when there is some chance that Fingers2 will allow me to gaze upon the estimable New York Times with him.

It is because of my higher education that I knew what had happened the other day, and knew there was no need to panic.

It’s true: I had woken up as the subject of a Franz Kafka novel. I had grown so rapidly during my evening slumbers that I no longer fit in my domicile:

 

Ack! My Cage Shrank! Or Wait, I Grew! Waddya Mean, You Can Barely See Me? I'M RIGHT HERE! Getmeouttahere!

Ack! My Cage Shrank! Or Wait, I Grew! Waddya Mean, You Can Barely See Me? I’M RIGHT HERE! Getmeouttahere!

 

See? Calm as a Conure. It’s a new phrase taking the world by storm. (You’re welcome.)

I calmed down even more when I chanced to look out the window and see that Fingers1 was hard at work cleaning my beloved home. About time, too.

 

My Cage Is Lying Around OUTSIDE! In Bits and Pieces. Will Fingers1 Be Able To Put Humpty Together Again?!

My Cage Is Lying Around OUTSIDE! In Bits and Pieces. Will Fingers1 Be Able To Put Humpty Together Again?!

 

Later, I was returned to my rightful place. Whew—although I remained calm, I think it is much nicer NOT to be in a Kafkaesque situation.

 

I'm Not Sure My Cage Is Any Cleaner, But At Least I Am Back To My Appropriate Size.

I’m Not Sure My Cage Is Any Cleaner, But At Least I Am Back To My Appropriate Size.

 

Well, Fingerlings, that’s all the news that’s fit to print from here. Catch you later, okay?

 

Friendship Is Hard

August 8th, 2013

Now that I have graciously accepted Ugly Dog’s gracious apology, I suppose we’re expected to be friends. Perhaps even BFFs.

Sigh!

Here we are, giving friendship a good college try:

 

What? Do I Have Something In My Teeth? Why Are You Looking At Me Like That?

What? Do I Have Something In My Teeth? Why Are You Looking At Me Like That?

 

Legs1 and Legs2 even enlisted AGM to supervise:

 

Don't Make Me Separate You Two. Oh, You Already Are. Well, Don't Make Me Send You To Your Rooms.

Don’t Make Me Separate You Two. Oh, You Already Are. Well, Don’t Make Me Send You To Your Rooms.

 

But it seems as though friendship might be too boring for the likes of us.

So I gave Ugly Dog a good old fashioned chase!

 

Ah, Now All Is Right With The World.

Ah, Now All Is Right With The World.

 

Equilibrium has been restored.

 

The Long and Tail of It

August 1st, 2013

Members of this blog’s Vast Readership sometimes ask me about my tail. Whether I have one, and if so, what do I do with it.

I realize that it’s sometimes hard to discern the status of my tail. I’m a forward-looking dog, after all, and therefore many of the photos of moi do not show the Other End.

In fact, I’m not back there very often myself, but I have been assured that I do have a tail and that it’s rather marvelous. What do you think?

 

Curly Who? Curly Q!

Curly Who? Curly Q!

 

Here is a close up. You can’t help but admire the structural integrity, the light and dark, the yin and yang of it:

 

Do You See A Vase? Or A Face? Vase Or Face? Vase Face? V/Face? Tail!

Do You See A Vase? Or A Face? Vase Or Face? Vase Face? V/Face? Tail!

 

As for what I do with my tail, why, I’m a helicopter, of course!

 

An object at rest tends to remain at rest and an object in rotation tends to continue rotating with constant angular velocity unless compelled by a net external torque to act otherwise. (Duh.)

An object at rest tends to remain at rest and an object in rotation tends to continue rotating with constant angular velocity unless compelled by a net external torque to act otherwise. (Duh.)

 

Here’s another closeup for your collection:

 

Whup-whup-whup-whup (sound effects, get it?)

Whup-whup-whup-whup (sound effects, get it?)

 

A rather personal question graciously handled, as always!

Oh, and by the way—yes, I think I will accept Ugly Dog’s heart-felt apology.

 

Guest Blogger: Ugly Dog

July 25th, 2013

Faithful readers of this blog will know that Grandmama Legs recently bestowed a most wondrous palace upon me for our collective Berf Days.

And you will also know that Little Rat was her agent here in Sandy Eggo. Her henchdog, if you will.

The whole experience has left me wondering…

 

Think, think, think...

Think, think, think…

 

…it’s rather an impossible thought, that I could have been wrong about anything…

 

Cats are never wrong. Right?

Cats are never wrong. Right?

 

…but especially about something as blatant, as obvious, as Little Rat’s true nature. You can tell just by looking at him that he’s a sneaky, shady, possibly even wicked, Bad Dog.

Or maybe he’s kinda okay. Rather thoughtful, in fact.

Could it be that I will have to readjust my thinking?

Realign my paradigm?

 

Will I have to make a Cattitude Adjustment?

Will I have to make a Cattitude Adjustment?

 

But if anyone is Cat enough for the job, it is I!

 

Preparing myself for the inevitable. Catting up, as it were.

Preparing myself for the inevitable. Catting up, as it were.

 

Little Rat, thank you for my wonderful new tower. Can you forgive me for my previous erroneous thoughts and ungracious manners?

 

Hurry up! I can't hold this pose forever.

Hurry up! I can’t hold this pose forever.

 

This apology is valid for a limited time only; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; accept no substitutes; this apology is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; provided “as is” without any warranties expressed or implied; quantities are limited while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; some assembly required; action figures sold separately; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you dig.

And finally, if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use.

Whew—that’s over!

 

Grandmama Legs Strikes Again!

July 9th, 2013

Grandmama Legs was very generous at Kris Mess, if you recall, and then she decided to repeat the performance for our Berf Days. She didn’t know when our Berf Days are—and neither do any of us—so she sent us money on a random day to be declared Our Berf Day.

And she put ME in charge of figuring out how to spend it! I was so overwhelmed by the responsibility that I had to lie down for quite a long time.

But finally I felt my strength return and I took inventory to see what we might need.

Legs1 and Legs2 have been giving My Little Pony all sorts of presents recently, so she’s doing okay:

 

Gifts For My Little Pony--And She Won't Share!

Gifts For My Little Pony–And She Won’t Share!

 

And Cage recently acquired a disco ball so he can party all night (it’s been quite annoying, to tell you the truth):

 

Shake Your Groove Thing, Sexy Cage Chicks!

Shake Your Groove Thing, Sexy Cage Chicks!

 

And even I have been graced recently with a personalized Nappie Sack:

 

No, I Don't Go IN The Nappie Sack--There Are Too Many Fair-An-Hots In There!

No, I Don’t Go IN The Nappie Sack–There Are Too Many Fair-An-Hots In There!

 

So that leaves just one ungifted blogger. That’s right, Ugly Dog. Sigh! But okay.

Her old tower was falling apart, so I took myself down to the pet store and bought her an amazing castle with Grandmama Legs’ Berf Day gift. It took me quite a few cuss words to put it together, too. But here it is in all its glory:

 

No, I WON'T Let Down My Golden Hair!

No, I WON’T Let Down My Golden Hair!

 

Thank you, Grandmama, for a most wonderful Berf Day!

Signed,

Ugly Dog, and also Jax, My Little Pony, and Cage

 

Chihuahua de Mayo

May 29th, 2013

I have been so busy with my howling lessons that I have neglected to remark on a special missive I received from Friend Cathe and Mr. Cathe!

Bad dog! Naughty boy!

To set some context: It turns out that here in the United States of Merika, we often adopt other countries’ holidays so we can have more opportunities to eat and drink a lot. (Amen to more food, I say, although I don’t know what’s fun about consuming more water than you need.) So we have popularized St. Patrick’s Day from Ireland and Cinco de Mayo from Mexico—two holidays that were historically barely noticed in their home countries, but that are now catching on because we make them look like so much fun.

Because Cinco de Mayo occurred earlier in Mayo (on the 5th, I believe), Friend Cathe and Mr. Cathe sent the following photo to me, thinking that it would be of great interest. Of course, it is, but not because it features a very fleet-of-foot Chihuahua named Tyson wearing a most ridiculous outfit:

 

Really, Tyson?

Really, Tyson?

 

Oh no, brown bear! I find it interesting because I think we may have found one of the great missing art works of both the 20th and the 21st centuries! The long-lost twin of…

 

American Gothic by Grant Wood, 1930

American Gothic by Grant Wood, 1930

 

You can read all about this masterpiece on Wikipedia, natch.

Do you think we should call our new find Chihuahua Gothic? Or American Chihuahua?

Thank you for sharing your great find with me, Friend Cathe and Mr. Cathe! I will be happy to help you spend all the riches coming your way.